Not in the Manual: Where Humor and High Strangeness Meet

The work of a UFO investigator can be interesting and exciting, but the antics and shenanigans are literally out of this world. Join me as I delve deep into my ridiculous personal experiences and case files dealing with ufologists, paranormal investigators, and witnesses; this is the stuff that’s not in the manual.

Working with UFO investigations, you generally interact with a lot of people in the paranormal field. For some reason, we all get lumped together and you end up meeting up with them at conventions or various events.

Paranormal investigators are a strange bunch. They are really nice people, but once in a while, you meet one who has gone full “woo-woo.”

I decided to hit up a few ghost hunts with some hardcore paranormal investigators, just for kicks . . . you know.

“This should be cool,” I thought to myself. “I get to hang out in a creepy museum, allegedly haunted, and maybe see some crazy stuff. Awesome!”

The sun sets, it’s 10:00 p.m. and all is well. The ghost hunters are doing their thing; running EVP sessions, asking questions, checking up on the infrared cameras, asking for the spirits to move an object or to interact with their EMF detectors. Whatever. I’m digging it. It’s cool, it’s creepy, and there is enough Starbucks running through my system to kill a small elephant so I’m good.

Midnight. We hear a few strange sounds? A footstep or two? I don’t know. I wasn’t that impressed. The ghost hunters were jacked.

2:00 a.m. It happens. One of the ghost hunters stops, he freezes up like he got hit with a stun gun. He looks over his shoulder with this look of serious concern, not fear but like he just watched a kid run into a busy intersection. He then turns back to look at the rest of the group and he closes his eyes. Lifting his hands, he hovers them over all of us.

“They are here,” he says. “I will protect you with my aura . . .”

My eyes widen. “Who’s here? What the hell are you talking about man?”

His eyes shoot open. “They. Are. Here.”

The other ghost hunters look at each other and nod. They begin to move their hands towards themselves as if they are inviting someone in.

“I am casting my blue protective aura over you. You don’t want any of them to follow you home.”

“It’s you I’m worried about. I don’t want you to follow me home . . .”

His eyes still closed, he smiles, “You’ll thank me later.”

Nothing did follow me home that night, so maybe the bald bearded wizard was right. Maybe his aura did protect me from the spirits of the dead . . . you know, or he was just full of shit. I guess we’ll never know.

About the Author

M. J. is a full time educator and nerd with a background in History and Cultural Studies. A lover of science fiction, geek culture, and all things weird, he enjoys studying the stranger aspects of modern popular culture.

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