‘It looks like you are not going to respond…so I’m just going to go ahead and chalk this one up to ‘Insufficient Information’…’

Not in the Manual: Where Humor and High Strangeness Meet

The work of a UFO investigator can be interesting and exciting, but the antics and shenanigans are literally out of this world. Join me as I delve deep into my ridiculous personal experiences and case files dealing with ufologists, paranormal investigators, and witnesses; this is the stuff that’s not in the manual.

Every few months I receive a report from a person who saw a strange object up close or they have a strange ET experience. Most of the time, the stories are a little “out there” but I will investigate them anyway, as I enjoy hearing these strange tales. I begin to do some basic research into the event, and then I typically send off the initial e-mail.

While that e-mail travels through the ether that is the Internet, and while I wait for a reply, I have time to think, to consider, and to exercise my brain. I will let you follow me down the path of self questioning–a philosophical mental experiment if you will. Will we find an answer to the biggest questions in Ufology? No. Don’t be silly.

1) In the event of truly seeing a UFO up close, what would a person’s initial reaction be? Would they go immediately to their computer and report that sighting to an organization like MUFON, or would they simply lose their shit for a few months because their entire understanding of the world and the universe just shifted a little to the left? It is surprising to me that a person is able to see a massive unidentifiable object at 500 feet and not go totally nuts; never mind report the damn thing that same day, which happens all the time. See MUFON CMS.

2) In the event of experiencing a true abduction, what would be a person’s initial reaction? I can go over the whole universe shifting to the left again, but that would be redundant. I would simply posit that actually being abducted would leave the abductee in a mental state equivalent to that of a puddle. This would be a very natural human reaction to being stolen. When humans are kidnapped by other humans, after they are rescued, most of the time, they really need to workshop what happened to them. It can be months of psychological and familial support to help the person understand what happened, why it happened, and that it was not their fault. True abductions cause real and painful trauma. Is it realistic for a person to report their abduction by aliens to MUFON the next morning while sipping their latte?

3) That being said, humans are generally a resilient bunch. Perhaps a person is able to quickly bounce back from a horrible and terrifying event such as an abduction? I’m not a psychologist. I’d probably call my mother, buy a shotgun, and hunker down in my cabin waiting for them to come back Kelly-Hopkinsville style. I do feel sorry for those creepy little space goblins. I hope they are alright. Sorry, tangent…

4) Finally, if humans are as resilient as I previously mentioned, and reporting it to MUFON immediately after the event is perfectly normal and healthy behaviour, one would think that if an investigator e-mailed back, the witness would jump at the chance for help. If a person reports a sighting or an abduction, one would expect they’d want someone to get in touch with them? The witness took the time to fill out the report and submit it. If there was no intention to actually have someone investigate it, why report it? Could it be that they got cold feet when they realized that someone is actually on the other end of MUFON’s CMS? Maybe. Could it be that they just made the whole damn thing up? Maybe. Could it be they got drunk one night while watching a Hangar 1 marathon on the History Channel, and just had a weird dream brought on by cheap rum? Maybe.

That e-mail I mentioned in the second paragraph? It was sent four weeks ago and I have yet to get a response. In fact, while we were sharing my little mental exercise, I re-sent it three times, once per week, just to be sure they didn’t accidentally delete it or something. This type of thing happens all the time and I can’t really investigate the event without the witness; I guess I should just chalk it up to “Insufficient Information?” My advise: stop drinking cheap rum…